“No matter what happens in life, be good to people. Being good to people is a wonderful legacy to leave behind.” ~ Taylor Swift
For those who aren’t familiar with the background of this love story, which began last summer:
Kelce is the tight end for the Kansas City Chiefs who are now heading into Super Bowl LVIII this Sunday, February 11th (and he is considered one of the greatest tight ends of all time).
Swift is TIME Magazine’s Person of the Year for 2023, and a 14-time Grammy-winning, multi-talented, singer-songwriter and global superstar as seen in her recent Eras Tour.
Besides seeing these two 34-year-olds repeatedly deliver peak performances to their fans in their individual professions (and all the courage, risk, discipline, and tenacity that takes), they are doing something bigger than “fame”:
Kelce and Swift are shining love in a world right now that is exhausted from all the negativity in our daily news feeds and elsewhere.
In many ways, they are showing some old-fashioned romantic love (notice how often Kelce has a protective arm around Swift in public).
Catching up on their “live” evolving love story is becoming more romantic than watching a quick fix of fantasy, idealized love in a Hallmark movie (although those can be fun to view, especially after you want to rebound from a bad date and remember the small-town goodness in the people portrayed on screen).
What’s the Kelce-Swift secret sauce?
LOVE LESSONS OBSERVED from the “Traylor” couple, as they are affectionately called in some circles.”
1) BEING THERE:
- They show up for one another (traveling across continents to “be there” for one another during key moments (he traveling to Argentina for her Eras Tour, and her attending his football games wherever he plays).
2) EXTEND THEIR LOVE AND JOY OUTWARD:
- They exude love not just for each other, but for their fans, raising the vibration in the world beyond their coupling, humbly showing that their “success” has character and great care behind it. Each has shown great generosity to those who support them, with Swift recently handing out money to the staff who served food at one of Kelce’s games. There are numerous other stories showing their kindness and down-to-earth ways of being and giving.
3) HE HAS HER BACK (He goes “right to the plate,” standing up for the private connection between them, when media criticizes either of them):
“The only thing we’ve talked about is: as long as we’re happy, we can’t listen to anything that’s outside noise—that’s all that matters.” ~ Travis Kelce
4) PRAISE AND VALUE ONE ANOTHER PUBLICLY:
- Kelce pursued Swift, and when she became his girlfriend, he continued to champion and praise her strengths as a woman, saying things like, “I’ve never dated anyone with that kind of aura about them” and “I’ve never been a man of words,” as he shared in his interview with WSJ. Magazine published last November. “Being around her, seeing how smart Taylor is, has been f—ing mind-blowing. I’m learning every day.”
Value of praise:
Too little praise, or none at all, can wither a relationship. And in conflict, positive emotions are even more critical to express. In fact, relationship expert, John Gottman, says there is a magic number ratio of 5 positive comments to 1 negative comment, for a relationship to thrive.
As popular marriage and family therapist Vienna Pharaon (known as @mindfulmft on Instagram) says: “It’s OK to want validation from a loved one. Acknowledgment is vital for relationships to grow. This isn’t about outsourcing worth or not being able to self-validate, it’s about creating room to be nourished by another without attaching shame to the request.”
Fortunately for Swift, she didn’t have to ask for personal praise from her beau. He proudly gives it. And she proudly shows the world who she is dating, wearing his football number on her clothes made custom for her game appearances. She also playfully acknowledged Kelce’s presence in a song when she slid in the name of the Kansas City Chiefs at one of her performances.
5) THEY ARE ALSO MODELING a “WE” in their partnership and interdependence:
In a healthy relationship, the partnership must be at the top of list, which has been lost by some in recent years with so much focus on the individual, the “me” or “I.”
If the “WE” of the couple isn’t a priority over the “I” of the individual, the relationship is heading down a troubled path, according to my friend and colleague, Dr. Gary Salyer, author of Safe to Love Again: How to Release the Pain of Past Relationships and Create the Love You Deserve. He also stresses that both partners should feel “empowered with choice” to have independent goals and dreams. Feeling “welcomed with joy,” “cherished and protected,” and “worthy and nourished” are other key elements of a secure relationship, according to Dr. Salyer.
Kelce and Swift also came together as two already successful people, not ‘needing’ one another to make the other look or feel good—although they certainly model the high vibration of love shared.
6) THEY ARE SHOWING US ABUNDANCE on all levels (and rich and successful people ARE WORTHY OF LOVE, TOO—some may enjoy it even more after putting themselves on the line for so many others). It can be lonely at the top sometimes.
- They give hope that two hard-working, fun-loving people can “have it all”–it’s not one or the other, success or personal happiness (and they each attribute part of their success to having supportive families, who have become almost as visible as the star couple themselves through this romance).
*Side note: To the cynics/naysayers: If you truly can’t find a way to be happy and feel some extra joy in watching this love story unfold, read the book The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks (a book I recommend to all my clients as they uplevel). It takes great courage to grow as this couple has in so many ways. For them to finally have a potentially steady, secure love relationship to give themselves further backing, and to let us see snippets of it along the way as they publicly grow together, is indeed a gift. Maybe their coupling has even been “a divine assignment” for the world to see love made more visible by two superstars.
As a wise therapist friend shared with me many years ago: “Those who are insecure scratch; those who are secure support.” I’m cheering for this couple (as well as for a Super Bowl team on Sunday), with gratitude for the fun and light they add to so many lives—even football—after all the heaviness we have lived through these past few years.
FOR VALENTINE’S DAY AND BEYOND: Here’s some loving quotes for you to ponder:
- “Have enough courage to trust love one more time and always one more time.” ~ Maya Angelou
- “The giving of love is an education in itself.” ~ Eleanor Roosevelt
- “Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” ~ Lao Tzu
- “Love is the whole thing. We are only pieces.” ~ Rumi
- “To love is to recognize yourself in another.” —Eckhart Tolle
- “There is no remedy for love but to love more.” ~ Henry David Thoreau
- “I think… if it is true that there are as many minds as there are heads, then there are as many kinds of love as there are hearts.”~ Leo Tolstoy, in Anna Karenina
- “I think the perfection of love is that it’s not perfect.” ~ Taylor Swift, who said this long before she started a relationship with Travis Kelce
- “To magnetize more love, BE that love. You must first become the person you want to attract.” ~ From myself and several other sources in the world of transformation.
If you would like to magnetize some love into your life and be good to yourself as well as extend joy to others, come create “A LOVE BOARD” with me.
Based on my 40-plus years as a writer, I have an intuitive sense of the right words to place on a board (along with images) that create shifts for clients. With this powerful combination, and my training in neuroscience, I will guide you in creating your own “love board” to help you rewire your brain for ALLOWING IN more love (you already are innately love; it’s at the core of your being).
Email email@example.com, and put the words “love board” in subject line, to set up a complimentary, 30-minute session to learn more.
With love and gratitude,