Acceptance…

NO GOING BACK: TO MOVING FORWARD IN LOVE

___“Acceptance is a small quiet room.” 

~ Cheryl Strayed___ ___

I opened a fortune cookie, pictured left, one night over a joyful dinner with my son. The evening was so special that I knew the message tucked inside, which resonated deeply, must be reviewed at a later time.

Days later, when I was alone, I pondered the poignancy of the message. For years I carried a broken heart from someone I love dearly, who rejected me. Every holiday, every birthday, every time I remembered the sweeter times, the sting of that hurt brought me to my knees, and often to church altars to pray. I prayed for an opening, a clean slate, and forgiveness for myself and this other person.

Years later, I learned that to heal our bodies, minds and even our finances, we must let go of our grievances. Abundance in any form rarely enters or stays in a resentful, angry heart.

To let go and come to acceptance, I had to let myself off the hook, and stop taking responsibility for something I could not control. Self-punishment damages our sense of worthiness and sinks us into more darkness; self-love and compassion elevate us into light and the learning that comes from any discord (even those relationship twists that catch us off-guard and seem unwarranted).

The greater lesson was learning to stop rejecting myself, which is where the true healing unfolded. With love and compassion, I honored the wounded parts of myself that would ever accept being treated in a less than loving way, and released the hurt, replacing it with forgiveness.

Then, after trying so hard for years to make the hurtful relationship different, I surrendered. My efforts did not matter.

It has been the hardest letting go of my life, to accept the relationship I so wanted, cannot be as I wanted it to be, and to trust in its continuing purpose to serve my highest good.

Slowly, I have worked up to gratitude, for seeing the painful relationship helped me reclaim my worthiness. I had to bring the power back within instead of looking for external validation. The change came when I shifted from focusing on my heart that felt like it was literally cracking apart, to choosing to fill myself up and give myself the love and validation I had wanted from another. Then, I made a choice to stay open, intentionally giving my power to the present moment, no rehashing past hurts.

I now teach privately a process that helps anchor one in love and acceptance, when an old angst tries to claim attention once again.

I share this story because the current pandemic forever changed our lives. Like with a broken heart and the inability to make someone love you or be present in the ways we hope, we cannot make the external circumstance of the pandemic better right now no matter how hard we try.

A similar type of surrender is required– to accept the life before us is the one we are presently in, with hope that long-term a better life will emerge integrating the lessons gained from this challenge.

Universally, many of us collectively are learning to let go of control.

“How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on, when in your heart, you begin to understand, there is no going back? There are some things that time cannot mend.”

~J.R.R. Tolkien

Re-opening businesses may offer temporary fixes, but we are not going back to the old ways of living. Dining wearing a facemask is not the same as sitting across from people you love and looking into their eyes. Teaching online does not provide the same energetic exchange as getting a pulse on a live classroom, or a student who may be struggling.

We are adjusting to “a new normal.” Growth will happen as new opportunities to do things in a different way with new skill sets emerge.

RESET: Learning to live in this moment 

Yet, the real lasting changes will come from within. Transformation takes time.   It is a process that requires stillness, reflection and commitment to honoring all your feelings–from grief to joy. Then, in quiet, you have the opportunity to get grounded and acquainted with your authentic self, and “who” you are called to be or serve right now.

Henri Nouwen, internationally renowned priest, professor and pastor brilliantly referred to a time of solitude as “a furnace of transformation.’’

By accepting, instead of resisting it, you can embrace solitude as a gift, a time to reconnect with the preciousness of life that is created from within.

How do you want to express yourself in this moment and the next juncture of life? What parts of you do you want bring forward, and which sides of you would you rather leave behind?

I remember sharing in my first book, published in 2004, these questions a priest told Oprah he heard most often by those who were dying:

Am I loved?

Did I love well?

Staying grounded in love requires an ongoing, moment-to-moment commitment. It is so easy to judge another or ourselves, or get stuck in fear.

Instead, we can choose to discipline ourselves to use love in this challenging time to elevate together, beyond the current circumstances, to create an even greater world.

And, by releasing past grievances and hurts during our time of solitude, we also are creating openings for the love within us to deepen.

With love and commitment,
Gail

 

TWO NEW EXCITING and EMPOWERING COACHING PROGRAMS:  

“THE JOURNEY TO INSTILLING A LOVE-BASED CONSCIOUSNESS: Release fear, clear emotional toxins, and instill empowering new beliefs.” A powerful six-week coaching program, based on the latest in neuroscience and other leading-edge resources, and the work of Dr. David Hawkins.

Another bi-monthly GROUP ZOOM meeting for “CREATING A NEW MINDSET FOR LIVING,” will also be offered starting in June. Space is limited to six participants so early registration is recommended.  

Learn more about these two new programs by emailing gailjones@claimyourworthiness.com.

 

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  • Art Currier says:

    Gail- Very thoughtful perspective to always maintain and especially during these challenging times. The world has changed forever and everyone needs to come to this reality very soon. May everyone who wants to emphasize the positive outcomes have the courage and collaborate so the positives dominate. We can’t allow for the deniers, liars, misspeakers, and generally valueless individuals to have their misdeeds and voices be heard.

    • Gail Kauranen Jones says:

      Thank you, Art, for sharing your leadership perspective. We need to be strong in taking our pain and shifting to lessons learned, and exuding a love-based consciousness. The world needs light now more than ever. Collaborating in shining that light is essential for what we learned through this pandemic is UNITY–we’re all in this together. Yes, let’s rise up and beyond intentionally–as transformational leaders–focused ON THE NEW and POSITIVE that will evolve from this challenge. Blessings, Gail

  • Judy Mill says:

    Thanks for the thought provoking insights, Gail. No one can accuse you of not walking the talk! I appreciate the challenge to pause and choose, rather than just keep doing the same old thing. Grateful to the pandemic for that reminder. Thanks for giving words to an opportunity that might otherwise slip by unnoticed. Thanks for leading the way.

    • Gail Kauranen Jones says:

      I appreciate those kind words, Judy. I was divinely nudged to be courageously vulnerable, and walk others through a process I endured that led to a heightened sense of worthiness. Inner work is not for the faint-of-the-heart, but it leads to the true treasures. And as intuitive coach, I sense many others could benefit from my choosing to share this lesson at this time. Yes, the pandemic is a beautiful, albeit challenging, pause and an excellent opportunity to heal, to move forward in new ways. Blessings, Gail

  • Joyce M McDonough says:

    Gail, how beautifully said. Thank you for sharing from your heart. In the 4 years I have known you, this is always been what I have loved about you. Your experiences, your journey, your pain and joy are what makes you such an amazing, loving coach.Your fortitude and commitment to your path is such an inspiration and a joy to be a part of. Thank you and please keep inspiring us through such unprecedented times. I love you!!

    • Gail Kauranen Jones says:

      Thank you, Joyce, for appreciating the vulnerable ways in which I write, using my lessons and insights as part of sharing coaching processes that help transform others to live in their most authentic and greatest versions of themselves. So often we see the “before’ and “after” of someone’s life, and not the rich in between stages, where true healing takes place. I risk sharing those inner spaces to connect to the humanness of us all. One of the gains of this pandemic is the strengthening or deepening of our bonds with others, which entails being “real.” I am forever grateful our paths crossed in Arizona, when I was in a deep and sometimes scary reinvention post cancer, and you provided the unconditional love, acceptance and support that I have offered clients and others I care about. Your consistent belief in my work and mission to serve helped me stay on track, even when I hit incredulous challenges. Bless you for your gifts in championing another in their growth and success (and all the fun we had watching those Pats games together). Love you, too, Gail.

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