Flexibility As A New Standard

“A journey is a person in itself; no two are alike. And all plans, safeguards, policing and coercion are fruitless. We find after years of struggle that we do not take a trip; a trip takes us.”—John Steinbeck.

Over-thinking can lead us to “analysis paralysis,” where we end up missing the beauty of the moment or the gifts that await us when we allow life to unfold in its own way.

My luck is shifting as I increasingly respond to life with openness and instinct versus acting on carefully thought out plans or pre-defined “rules.”

By letting go of a past pattern of over-analyzing a situation, I have acted instead upon my intuitive hunches that have come from feeling my way through a situation versus directing it. More frequently, I am responding to life from a clean slate (see my recent newspaper article, The Seasons of Our Lives).

Within the past two weeks, I experienced two miracle connections, one personal and one professional, both from people who appeared serendipitously. By listening to their messages and quietly tuning into my own wisdom as I pondered the content of what I just heard, I was gently guided to next steps.

Like the grass blowing in the wind, I am swaying more with the moments before me rather than tightly trying to control the outcomes. Tossing aside rigid standards of perfection or expectation—those “boxes” of how people or events should be– has opened my life beyond what I imagined possible before.

Letting go, once a challenging concept for someone like me who performed by leading, is freeing. Blessing upon blessing is appearing as I remain detached–observing, listening, and taking in.

As a  coach, many people have come before me with lists of requirements for the right mate or right job. Getting clear is an important step towards manifesting the outcomes we desire. Placing those “must haves” on a vision board and focusing on our intentions accelerates the process toward attracting what we want. Yet, pausing and allowing for the mystery of grace to enter our lives is an essential step often overlooked.

What if what we think we want, which is often based on earlier conditioning, is not in our best interest? Does the “perfect-looking” mate really meet your soul’s need for nurturance? Is the size of your paycheck or the status of your job position a true reflection of your unique purpose? If you were to place on a shelf all the “shoulds” of how you thought you or others ought to be, what possibilities for living more fully could become available to you?

Packages that look good—whether they are the homes we live in or the people with whom we associate—are not always what make us feel good. Standing outside our comfort zones of what we have known to date to be best, and expecting something even greater to appear which fulfills our soul’s need at this point in our lives, often attracts miracles.

By staying flexible, we can usher in new possibilities for greater happiness. Or, in the wise words of author Alan Cohen, “Seek to wear life like a loose garment.”

Beth Scanzani’s photo of tall grass softly moving with the wind inspires us to remain flexible.


Write out the statements below long-hand a few times each day. Then, repeat out loud as frequently as you desire, but especially in the morning and at night when in restful states

1. I allow myself to be flexible.

2. I allow myself to follow my hunches and instincts versus rules.

3. I allow myself to be lucky, expecting good things to happen.


  • “Filling Up The Empty Nest” (a six-week coaching package done by phone) is now available.
  • “Welcoming New Possibilities:  Letting Go/Letting In” (a three-session coaching package walking the sands of Crane’s Beach) is available through the end of October.

To sign up or learn more, contact Gail at 978-887-1911 or GailJones@SupportMatters.com







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  • Meg Moran says:

    Gail – this is so true! Only in the last few years with the help of your coaching I have realized that I have to let go of MY agenda and be open to possibilities that I never dreamed of. Sometimes if we try too hard to make what we want to happen we miss out on something even better!
    Thanks for your wisdom! Meg

  • Beth Scanzani says:

    Hi Gail. I love this article for the way it makes me remember the importance of balancing intention and surrender. You coached me into creating my first vision board 6 years ago and that has served me in more ways than you know. Creating a vision and setting intentions has had an amazing impact on what comes to me…and for me… in life. Yet, as you say, there is another essential and balancing energy that many of us neglect in our desire to create meaningful and joyful lives. As you’ve said before, getting clear and then letting go of “how” our deepest desires and intentions show up, allows us to appreciate how life unfolds in wonder-full ways that we could never have imagined.

    Thank you, again, for the beautiful way you share your insight and wisdom. – Beth

    • Gail says:

      Beth: And thank you for articulating so well and playfully “the wonder-full ways” life unfolds when we let go of the “hows” while also getting clear of our deepest desires and intentions. I also appreciate your noting how impactful my coaching was for you, particularly in using the vision board. It has been exciting for me to personally witness the many outcomes you have manifested as a result of creating that board. Gail

  • Deb says:

    Gail – as always, your posts come along at exactly the right time for me! Love thinking more and more about what I need to let go of, continuing to peel back the layers – particularly around attachment to outcome. The idea of being intentional and then letting go feels great – and does allow for more magic! Thanks for bringing me deeper into the question.

    • Gail says:

      Deb: I love your words of “peeling back the layers” and allowing for more “magic.” Thanks for letting me know my blog brought you deeper into discovering what you may need to let go of to welcome in the new. Gail

  • diane polley says:

    Gail – just got back from a beach walk and have reaffirmed everything you so beautifully have written. Coaching others to let go and see the wonder unfold is a gift. Continue on!

    • Gail says:

      Diane: Thanks for sharing, and I appreciate your compliments on my writing. The beach (or another spot in nature) is such a perfect place to “let go” and “let in.” Gail

  • Jennifer says:

    Once again your words and insights have touched me to the core. Through your tremendous coaching abilities to the brilliance in which you deliver your message, I have gained so much from you – giving me the courage to move forward without having all the answers. The unknown is something I now embrace and looked forward to. Without your support and wise wisdom the road would have been a long and arduous one. Thank you for your gifts and sharing them so generously, lovingly and honestly.

    • Gail says:

      Jennifer: And I have so admired the courageous ways you have consistently and even lovingly embraced the unknown. Thanks for taking the time to appreciate my support in your journey forth. It is so exciting to watch your life unfold. Gail

  • Gail,once again you have articulated beautifully a life challenge and inspired hope and a shift in perspective. Your writing is refreshing and authentic and reminds us to look carefully at our beliefs and our choices. You also speak to one of the secrets in my new book The 12 Secrets of Highly Successful Women which is to develop new mindsets of success and courage. And you have the gift to help clients with those transformations. Keep it coming!

    • Gail says:

      Gail: Coming from a highly successful author (and I just love your new book), your comments on my writing and insights shared in my blog are much appreciated. And you are right to remind me to let my readers know that life is a series of transitions, and that my first book ,To Hell and Back…Healing Your Way Through Transition, is yet another tool that helps guide people forth in change. Good luck with your press tour for your newly released book–and again, thanks for checking in on my blog. It’s so much fun to connect with readers and clients this way. Gail

  • Perhaps one of the most difficult things for human beings to accomplish is to be flexible by letting go. If one thinks carefully one cannot effectively control another person; one cannot effectively control life events. Therefore control is a mirage. Somehow people mistakenly believe that this mirage gives them peace of mind.

    Gail you have a wonderful blog. I enjoy your writing style and the manner in which you address important subjects. You have great insight which I believe both inspires and educates your readers.

    • Gail says:

      Your wisdom on staying flexible is much appreciated. It is a challenging life lesson to learn that there is so little we can control except our own thoughts. Thank you for enjoying my writing style (it comes from listening in silence , with a great deal of flexibility and non-attachment, to what I get called to share). Gail

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