“Success is something you attract by the person you become.”—John Earl Shoaff as told to business philosopher Jim Rohn.
Many of us were conditioned in earlier years to believe success was “out there,” and that if we worked hard enough to reach for it, we may attain it.
Yet, success is much more than grasping for an outcome. First, we must define who we want to be in the world, which may require an inner soul search. Often, the best time to explore who we are called to be (versus who our parents, teachers, or significant others thought we “should” be) is during those frustrating, impatient moments when it appears nothing is happening. Then, by asking questions of what we need to do or learn or express to be that person, we can commence instilling our customized inner success maps. Those maps, created first in our imaginations, must also include a solid set of beliefs and thoughts that will attract AND sustain our dreams.
For if we “get” the relationship, job or income we want, but do not truly believe we are worthy of what we attract, we often find ways to sabotage the outcomes we manifested. Here are a few ways I have seen sabotage play out among my clients in relationships:
- disengaging from contact after a dynamic evening with someone they may care about.
- getting sick or having a sudden work project or other engagement derail what was to be a romantic weekend or getaway.
- ending a relationship after a dream vacation together.
- consistently failing to show up as planned.
- talking of ways others have sabotaged their lives, when in reality, they were unknowingly pointing a finger at themselves.
Often what we criticize in others turns out to be one of our own flaws or weaknesses, which is the reason why another’s less-than-ideal behavior can so easily trigger us. We are mirrors for one another. Accepting personal responsibility for our “own stuff”–knowing none of us is perfect–creates more successful relationships.
Career-wise, I have observed clients aborting their success by staying in jobs beneath their skill set and expertise, not asking to be paid their worth, or remaining in careers not aligned with their values or interests. Taking time to get clear about our values is a critical step in attracting prosperous work we enjoy doing. Yet, more engaging or fulfilling work often brings us to new levels of growth, which can at first seem scary until we start feeling comfortable in the expanded version of ourselves.
“When you outperform your self-image, self-sabotage will try to kick in to bring you back to the old,” says John Assaraf in his values-based coaching program.
To stay on track with our dreams and desires, and create new stories of personal or professional success, we must remain vigilant daily, even moment to moment, in monitoring our thoughts and beliefs around self-love and value. Instead of going back to a lower, “safe-looking” bar or a familiar but unsatisfactory way of operating, commit to the new.
Surrounding ourselves with people who want to see us live as full expressions of our greatest being enlivens us. We also must continually visualize ourselves living NOW (not someday in the future) in that bigger, more prosperous, fulfilled and loving image . Attaching positive emotions consistently to the end result we want to attain (versus allowing fear or doubt to deter us) helps accelerate the process of attracting what we desire. (To learn more about how to create and focus on a vision, attend Imagining Seminar FALL 2011).
A word of caution: becoming “bigger” does not necessarily mean taking on more responsibility. Some people become bigger in themselves by courageously saying “no” to responsibilities that belong to others or declining opportunities that would require they spread themselves too thin. Others stretch into bigness by choosing to live a simple life that reflects their soul’s need for peace or by collaborating with others for the joy of co-creating versus being the sole leader. The old “success” model of the lone ranger at the top leading the pack no longer works for many of us.
Success also can entail stepping into a new way of being like becoming more assertive. learning to delegate or decreasing the number of hours we work to better balance our personal and professional lives.
We add accountability to manifesting our dreams and new ways of being by sharing our new envisioned stories of success with others who can support us, and taking daily action steps towards our goals.
Then, we must make what is sometimes the most challenging and frequently required leap of all: TRUST.
BELIEF TIPS OF THE WEEK for Creating a Success Mindset:
Repeat the statements below out loud several times a day, preferably upon waking or just before going to sleep, when your mind is in a restful, receptive state. Writing the statements out long-hand daily also helps instill the new belief.
1. I allow myself to imagine and live into an even more loving, prosperous and fulfilled version of “me” as I expand into all of who I am meant to be.
2. I allow myself to vigilantly monitor my thoughts, choosing to focus on positive, uplifting and inspiring ones.
3. I allow myself to become clear and align with those people and opportunities which mirror my core values.
Beth Shedd’s multiple mirrored “self portraits” remind us to continue to trust those thoughts and beliefs we instill in and know about ourselves as we grow and expand into new ways of being.
FALL COACHING PACKAGES:
- “Filling Up The Empty Nest” (a six-week coaching package done by phone) is now available.
- “Welcoming New Possibilities: Letting Go/Letting In” (a three-session coaching package walking the sands of Crane’s Beach) is available through the end of October.
To sign up or learn more, contact Gail at 978-887-1911 or GailJones@SupportMatters.com
Gail Kauranen Jones is an intuitive coach, gifted wordsmith and inspiring teacher who has been leading others through transformation for more than twenty years. She is the author of two books, Cancer as a Love Story: Developing the Mindset for Living, and To Hell and Back…Healing Your Way through Transition. Both books were met with rave reviews on Amazon and elsewhere.
She recently appeared as a guest “worthiness coach” on CBS TV’s award-winning talk show The Doctors and on Sirius FM Radio. Her articles and “tips” on worthiness have also appeared several times in Maria Shriver’s Sunday Paper.
She has taught many leading-edge workshops at top spas and wellness centers. She now leads Zoom group coaching programs and is a guest speaker at many related events.
Gail lives a passionate and simple life writing, hiking, connecting in meaningful ways, aligning in joyful collaboration and thriving in nature.