Integrating a Success Mentality (Personally and Professionally)

“Success is something you attract by the person you become.”—John Earl Shoaff as told to business philosopher Jim Rohn.

Many of us were conditioned in earlier years to believe success was “out there,” and that if we worked hard enough to reach for it, we may attain it.

Yet, success is much more than grasping for an outcome. First, we must define who we want to be in the world, which may require an inner soul search. Often, the best time to explore who we are called to be (versus who our parents, teachers, or significant others thought we “should” be) is during those frustrating, impatient moments when it appears nothing is happening. Then, by asking questions of what we need to do or learn or express to be that person, we can commence instilling our customized inner success maps. Those maps, created first in our imaginations, must also include a solid set of beliefs and thoughts that will attract AND sustain our dreams.

For if we “get” the relationship, job or income we want, but do not truly believe we are worthy of what we attract, we often find ways to sabotage the outcomes we manifested. Here are a few ways I have seen sabotage play out among my clients in relationships:

  • disengaging from contact after a dynamic evening with someone they may care about.
  • getting sick or having a sudden work  project or other engagement derail what was to be a romantic weekend or getaway.
  • ending  a relationship after a dream vacation together.
  • consistently failing to show up as planned.
  • talking of ways others have sabotaged their lives, when in reality, they were unknowingly pointing a finger at themselves.

Often what we criticize in others turns out to be one of our own flaws or weaknesses, which is the reason why another’s less-than-ideal behavior can so easily trigger us. We are mirrors for one another.  Accepting personal responsibility for our “own stuff”–knowing none of us is perfect–creates more successful relationships.

Career-wise, I have observed clients aborting their success by staying in jobs beneath their skill set and expertise, not asking to be paid their worth, or remaining in careers not aligned with their values or interests. Taking time to get clear about our values is a critical step in attracting prosperous work we enjoy doing. Yet, more engaging or fulfilling work often brings us to new levels of growth, which can at first seem scary until we start feeling comfortable in the expanded version of ourselves.

“When you outperform your self-image, self-sabotage will try to kick in to bring you back to the old,” says John Assaraf in his values-based coaching program.

To stay on track with our dreams and desires, and create new stories of personal or professional success, we must remain vigilant daily, even moment to moment, in monitoring our thoughts and beliefs around self-love and value. Instead of going back to a lower, “safe-looking” bar or a familiar but unsatisfactory way of operating, commit to the new. 

Surrounding ourselves with people who want to see us live as full expressions of our greatest being enlivens us. We also must continually visualize ourselves living NOW (not someday in the future) in that bigger, more prosperous, fulfilled and loving image .  Attaching positive emotions consistently to the end result we want to attain (versus allowing fear or doubt to deter us) helps accelerate the process of attracting what we desire. (To learn more about how to create and focus on a vision, attend Imagining Seminar FALL 2011).

A word of caution:  becoming “bigger” does not necessarily mean taking on more responsibility.  Some people become bigger in themselves by courageously saying “no” to responsibilities that belong to others or declining opportunities that would require they spread themselves too thin.  Others stretch into bigness by choosing to live a simple life that reflects their soul’s need for peace or by collaborating with others for the joy of co-creating versus being the sole leader. The old “success” model of the lone ranger at the top leading the pack no longer works for many of us.  

Success also can entail stepping into a new way of being like becoming more assertive. learning to delegate or decreasing the number of hours we work to better balance our personal and professional lives.

We add accountability to manifesting our dreams and new ways of being by sharing our new envisioned stories of success with others who can support us, and taking daily action steps towards our goals.

Then, we must make what is sometimes the most challenging and frequently required leap of all: TRUST.

BELIEF TIPS OF THE WEEK for Creating a Success Mindset:

Repeat the statements below out loud several times a day, preferably upon waking or just before going to sleep, when your mind is in a restful, receptive state.  Writing the statements out long-hand daily also helps instill the new belief.

1. I allow myself to imagine and live into an even more loving, prosperous and fulfilled version of “me” as I expand into all of who I am meant to be.

2. I allow myself to vigilantly monitor my thoughts, choosing to focus on positive, uplifting and inspiring ones.

3. I allow myself to become clear and align with those people and opportunities which mirror my core values.

Beth Shedd’s multiple mirrored “self portraits” remind us to continue to trust those thoughts and beliefs we instill in and know about ourselves as we grow and expand into new ways of being.


  • “Filling Up The Empty Nest” (a six-week coaching package done by phone) is now available.
  • “Welcoming New Possibilities:  Letting Go/Letting In” (a three-session coaching package walking the sands of Crane’s Beach) is available through the end of October.

To sign up or learn more, contact Gail at 978-887-1911 or



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  • RICH says:

    Gail, what a wonderful guide for those who want to adopt a “success mentality”. As you state, and I think this says it best:

    “To stay on track with our dreams and desires, and create new stories of personal or professional success, we must remain vigilant daily, even moment to moment, in monitoring our thoughts and beliefs around self-love and value. Instead of going back to a lower, “safe-looking” bar or a familiar but unsatisfactory way of operating,” commit to the new.”

    Successful people are alway expanding their abilities to create, to relate to others, and to live the most fulfilling lives they can. They are an inspiration to us all. Your writing and coaching insights are leading the way for others to grow and change their thoughts, beliefs, and ultimately their actions to live the most beautiful and expanded lives possible.

    Keep up the great work!

    • Gail says:

      Coming from a man who has continually put himself on the line and expanded himself (and helped many others succeed as well), your comments and insights are most appreciated. I was particularly touched by your adding the thought about expanding our abilities to relate to others. How we treat others is as much a part of “success” as is creating fulfilling work. You have always acted with such great respect for those in your life, and taken the time (like you did today in writing to my blog) to support others’ dreams.

      And, I thank you also for valuing my coaching and writing expertise. Gail

  • Steve Fischer says:

    Hi Gail:

    I have always loved your blogs, but today’s focus on dreams was especially meaningful for me. We talked earlier today, before I read your blog, about a concert I will be attending in November.

    The young girl who will be performing sings a lot about dreams: “To Dream the Impossible Dream”; “Imaginer” (“Open your eyes and launch yourself from your craziest dream”); “Nella Fantasia” (“I dream of souls that are always free”); “When You Wish Upon a Star” (“If your heart is in your dreams, no request is too extreme”). In fact, her new album is entitled “Dream With Me”.

    Your blog today was a good reminder that blogs like yours and songs like these about dreams aren’t just words on the screen or lyrics of a song, but rather convey a very powerful message.

    Speaking of messages, I have never forgotten the “message” for me that you and I worked out several years ago: “Simplify everything, tolerate nothing, be real.”

    Best wishes for your continued success,


    • Gail says:


      Your inspiring comments remind me why I love coaching and writing so much. I get to learn from another’s wisdom and perspective, as well share my own. The songs you referenced, and the lyrics/lines you highlighted, really touched me and I am sure will resonate with my readers. I am grateful today’s blog moved you enough to post a comment. And, it’s so much fun to hear from a past client and learn what resonated with them on their journey forth. I wish you much joy in your continued success as well. Gail

  • Angela says:

    As always your insight is spot on. I continually strive to be with people and in places that allow my true spirit to soar. It has been a challenge lately to achieve that as I am at a point in my life that has been dubed “the sandwich generation”. I have an elderly mother, who is 90 years old and now in a nursing home, and sister fighting a four year battle with colon cancer. I find myself in hospitals and doctor’s offices and places that truly bring my spirit to its lowest of levels. All of this caregiving is forcing me to be “bigger” in responsibility; depleting my personal reserves. Mixed emotions of guilt, sadness, anger, and yes, resentment (I’m ashamed to say) flood in almost daily. I am trying to focus on the lessons I can learn from this experience, read wonderful positive uplifting coaching advise such as your blog, and meditate daily on the Belief Tips. With gratitude that you are always there for me to reach out to, Your friend Angela

    • Gail says:

      Angela: Thank you for letting me know my blogs bring comfort and inspiration to you. I admire the way you focus your thoughts and intentions during these trying times. Your mother and sister are hugely blessed to have you in their lives. May you be exquisitely supported through others and in your quiet moments of meditation, where peace is found. I am sorry it is these circumstances that are bringing you to new levels of “bigness”…and I admire the ways you have answered the call. Trust you are being rewarded, and continue to nurture and pamper yourself. With love and care, Gail

  • margi smith says:


    Here’s to remaining vigilant each day and listening to the dreams that guide us to fulfill our life’s work.
    As you said in an earlier workshop; “THE FIRST STEP IN MAKING YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE IS HAVING THEM”
    May we all be able to pay attention to the dreams that politely tap us on the shoulder and be bold enough to take the first step and become active in their outcome.

    • Gail says:


      I am so glad words from my workshop stuck with you. That quote I used on dreaming from Alan Cohen has inspired many. I also love your own words about paying attention “to the dreams that politely tap us on the shoulder.” Yes, it takes both boldness, and a series of many baby steps, to bring them forth. It also helps to have at least one other person to believe in us, to help hold our intentions during the scary moments when we make new leaps forth. Gail

  • margi smith says:


    Here’s to remaining vigilant to listening to our dreams.
    As you said in an earlier workshop; “THE FIRST STEP IN MAKING YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE IS HAVING THEM”
    May we learn to listen to the dreams that come to us politely tapping us on the shoulder and be bold enough to take an active step in their outcome.

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