Yesterday I gave my son passwords into my bank account and other private information–an act of a responsible parent deemed higher risk (due to age) during this virus pandemic.
Loose ends should not be left to those we will one day leave behind.
At the same time I gave him confidential information, I shared how I hoped he would splurge on himself a bit in memory of our great bond. I am glad I expressed my wishes for his joy while alive and vibrant, not on my deathbed. It was such a loving, intelligent conversation.
These conversations are not easy, but they are necessary. As much as I focus on best and ideal outcomes always, God has a plan. We are not in control. Practical matters need to be addressed.
After I hung up, I felt at peace and a bit sad. We will not always be there for our children (I also have a daughter, son-in-law and granddaughter, whom I dearly love). That is a truth, magnified now by a global health challenge.
It has always been my number one priority to “be there” for those I love. I am letting go of the reins a bit more now, trusting a power beyond me will take care of them when I move on.
Last night, sitting by my bedroom window overlooking a lake, I felt a softening, a gentle acceptance that I live my life the best I know how in each moment. Mistakes, flaws, and stumbling are all part of the journey. I hope I am remembered for what I endured and overcame as much as for the ways I failed or tried “too hard.”
The push to prove myself no longer has a place in my life. I am what I am.
Sometimes, to others, that was not good enough. We never truly know what someone is dealing with behind the scenes–whether they are trying to soothe a tantrum-driven, three-year-old, or grieving the loss of a loved one or a livelihood that no longer financially sustains them.
I do know one lesson I learned now that I wished I learned in younger years: Bless versus judge. The harsher we judge ourselves, the harsher we will judge others.
We are here to love and that includes ourselves. Our life stories are scripts we created that continually need to be rewritten as we grow and expand.
In whatever script unfolds in these challenging times, my hope for each of us is that we choose love over fear always.
With love and blessings,
Gail
A special thanks to my friend, Denise Gillian, for capturing the beautiful photo above of the gentle-looking lakeside clouds.
Gail Kauranen Jones is an intuitive coach, gifted wordsmith and inspiring teacher who has been leading others through transformation for more than twenty years. She is the author of two books, Cancer as a Love Story: Developing the Mindset for Living, and To Hell and Back…Healing Your Way through Transition. Both books were met with rave reviews on Amazon and elsewhere.
She recently appeared as a guest “worthiness coach” on CBS TV’s award-winning talk show The Doctors and on Sirius FM Radio. Her articles and “tips” on worthiness have also appeared several times in Maria Shriver’s Sunday Paper.
She has taught many leading-edge workshops at top spas and wellness centers. She now leads Zoom group coaching programs and is a guest speaker at many related events.
Gail lives a passionate and simple life writing, hiking, connecting in meaningful ways, aligning in joyful collaboration and thriving in nature.