Tender conversations of love…


Yesterday I gave my son passwords into my bank account and other private information–an act of a responsible parent deemed higher risk (due to age) during this virus pandemic.

Loose ends should not be left to those we will one day leave behind.

At the same time I gave him confidential information, I shared how I hoped he would splurge on himself a bit in memory of our great bond. I am glad I expressed my wishes for his joy while alive and vibrant, not on my deathbed. It was such a loving, intelligent conversation.

These conversations are not easy, but they are necessary.  As much as I focus on best and ideal outcomes always, God has a plan. We are not in control. Practical matters need to be addressed.

After I hung up, I felt at peace and a bit sad. We will not always be there for our children (I also have a daughter, son-in-law and granddaughter, whom I dearly love).  That is a truth, magnified now by a global health challenge.

It has always been my number one priority to “be there” for those I love.  I am letting go of the reins a bit more now, trusting a power beyond me will take care of them when I move on.

Last night, sitting by my bedroom window overlooking a lake, I felt a softening, a gentle acceptance that I live my life the best I know how in each moment. Mistakes, flaws, and stumbling are all part of the journey. I hope I am remembered for what I endured and overcame as much as for the ways I failed or tried “too hard.”

The push to prove myself no longer has a place in my life. I am what I am.

Sometimes, to others, that was not good enough. We never truly know what someone is dealing with behind the scenes–whether they are trying to soothe a tantrum-driven, three-year-old, or grieving the loss of a loved one or a livelihood that no longer financially sustains them.

I do know one lesson I learned now that I wished I learned in younger years: Bless versus judge. The harsher we judge ourselves, the harsher we will judge others.

We are here to love and that includes ourselves. Our life stories are scripts we created that continually need to be rewritten as we grow and expand.

In whatever script unfolds in these challenging times, my hope for each of us is that we choose love over fear always.

With love and blessings,


Gail

 

A special thanks to my friend, Denise Gillian, for capturing the beautiful photo above of the gentle-looking lakeside clouds.

 

 

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  • Cynthia Thornton-Drost says:

    Beautiful, Gail. What you have just said is So true.

  • Lisa langakEr says:

    Wow Gail- so much emotion in this post!! I love how you share your heart so transparently with the world!! And I love the
    “Bless don’t judge advice.” We all need to learn that a lot earlier in life. Thank you for sharing something so personal and being an encouragement to so many.

    • Gail Kauranen Jones says:

      Thanks, Lisa: I had another post planned for today, which I’ll share next week. I kept getting nudged from my internal wisdom to write this “heavier” one. A dear friend of mine who was by her mother’s side during her dying days later used her insights gained to help others prepare the “practical matters.” Like many, I resisted what she had to say. I didn’t want to discuss “the realities” related to death with anyone. After all, my motto has been, “Say yes to LIFE!” Then, I realized I owed it to those I love to be brave…and now I’ve been guided to be brave with my sharing to the world, as you say. Some wrote or called to thank me, saying it was beautiful. Others met this post with silence or with hostility. It triggers a lot. Facing mortality is scary for many. Yet, in the end, I trusted I was only serving as a messenger during these challenging times…and in the end, love is all that matters. Blessings, Gail

  • Lyndra H Antonson says:

    Hello Gail,
    Thanks for your beautiful post! Yes, tying up loose ends is important. Being compassionate towards ourselves is crucial. And always returning to love over fear!
    Thinking of you!
    Lyndra

    • Gail Kauranen Jones says:

      Lyndra: Thanks for your comments. Self-compassion takes us a long way. Yet, we’re rarely taught to offer it ourselves. It’s needed now more than ever as we all embrace “a normal” that changes daily. Blessings, Gail.

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